I saw a magnolia bloom today…and smiled.
Photo by Kate's Photo Diary
It has been rainy, gray, and cool here — a sort of weather I actually like but also an invitation to sorrowful thoughts. I think of it now and for some reason find myself hovering over my idleness. It seems my dreams are sifting through my fingertips like sand, melting ever so slowly and try as I might, it is escaping. It is ever going, and I am standing still.
But don’t you fret, I’ve been breathing deeply, breathing slow. No extra wrinkles sneaking unto my brow (thanks to Egyptian Magic!)
Anyhow, Touger gave a sermon at two churches today! (This may seem off track, but stick with me k.) I was sitting there, listening, paying close attention so that I could give him critical feedback and encouragement. First sermon down. I thought it went rather well! As we stepped into the second church, we went to go sit in the front pew. Touger wasn’t nervous. As he stepped up behind the pulpit, I started video recording. I was listening, making sure he breathed at all the right times, spoke clearly, looked up to build rapport with the audience, and then…something happened. I started listening to the message.
Touger spoke about Elijah, an Old Testament hero, a godly man who was whisked up into the heavens without ever experiencing death! But that wasn’t the focus of the message; rather, it was about his human-ness. After a triumphant victory with the prophets of Baal on Mt. Carmel, Jezebel, a princess of Sidon and devotee of Baal, in 1 Kings 19:1-15, seeks after Elijah’s life. So what does Elijah do? He runs away! Anyhow, I won’t write the whole sermon down, but ultimately, Elijah, in his worries for himself, forgets about God and becomes depressed and afraid of this woman–no biggy right? She only wants him dead! But that’s exactly the point. So this is what Touger asked us, “What do we fear?” I thought to myself, “Yeah, what do you fear? What do we fear? Wait…what do I fear?”
Touger continues talking about how God brings about a majestic wind, earthquake, and fire; yet Elijah does not respond. God speaks to him in a whisper, and Elijah is still focused on none other than himself! Even after being in the presence of God, he is afraid for his life. How self-centered we say. How does he not realize that God is on his side? I thought to myself, “Why are you so afraid Mykou, why?”
The sermon continues. Despite Elijah’s shortcomings, God uses him. God says, “Go,” and Elijah goes. That’s it. Faithfulness. That’s what God wants.
This got me thinking about my current ponderings. (I’ve actually been meaning to write this blog for a bit now but have been reluctant because it’s SCARY sharing and writing about your dreams– it’s only for the whole entire WORLD!!! So … “tread softly because you tread upon my dreams.”) What do I fear? I fear what I love: music. Singing and writing music is my dream. But I’m afraid, like so many, of failure. It’s not like my life’s on the line–though some would say it’s worse. I was reminded today, that I must remain faithful. It’s okay if I fail…and I probably will!!! Ha ha! I know I’m not good enough…but God can use me in spite of myself…in spite of my shortcomings and my failures. Who knows, He might even use my failures! But I’d rather fail then never try and not be faithful. So I too must go. I must remember that God is bigger than me. Perhaps God will throw down fire and crashing winds…but I’ll try to listen to His whispers as well and find joy in it all–hence the magnolia bloom.
I know this will continue to be a struggle of mine, but here’s to the world: I’m taking steps toward faithfulness. Let me be faithful in the big and the little things.
*Note to self: God can use me in spite of my shortcomings…I just need to be faithful.
Mykou
I’m starting a new blog to document my journey as I venture into music–I’m for real! If you’d like to follow along, here’s the link: www.myksmusicalmusings.wordpress.com
For those of you who are interested in Touger’s message, here it is!
